Many of these questions relate to partners but domestic abuse also happens between family members and ex-partners.


  Domestic abuse can be Physical, Sexual, Phschological, Financial and Emotional

Domestic Abuse can be:

Emotional and psychological

Some examples of emotional and psychological abuse are listed here - this is not an exhaustive list and there are many more forms of this type of abuse:
  • Manipulating you to do what they want 
  • Constantly checking where you are 
  • Preventing you from seeing your friends or family or suggesting that you are better off without your friends or family 'interfering' 
  • Constantly putting you down
  • Persistently calling you names, mocking behaviour or saying things that make you feel bad
  • Using the children to bully you or blackmail you to stay in the relationship 
  • Shouting and intimidating behaviour 
  • Stalking 
  • Harassment

Isolating you from friends and family

If your partner or family member isolates you from the people you love, telling you that you cannot see other friends or family for whatever reason, this is another form of control. They might listen in to your calls or not let you visit friends and family and refuse to let them visit your home. They will often come up with reasons why such as “they aren’t good for you” or “we don’t need anyone else”. They might lie about friends telling you that they are talking about you behind your back so that you fall out with them. This isolates you from people that could help you and makes you easier to control.

Depriving you of basic needs

A partner could deprive you of certain foods or clothes, they can even stop you accessing medical help, but this is all illegal. This type of abuse is often used against people who need support in their daily living activities due to disability or ill health. It can start off as seeming to be caring, but can end up with them withholding things you need such as medication or help with personal care.


This is a subtle form of manipulation. It is done over time, sometimes months or years. It can lead you to doubt yourself, your memories or your state of mind. It can include small things like telling you what they want for dinner and then later saying they said something else, and they will tell you that you must have forgotten. This is a form of control.


If a partner/ex-partner or family member threatens you so that they have power over you, this is illegal. Common threats include reporting you to social services with the myth that your children will be removed from you, or threatening to ‘out’ a same sex partner to work colleagues and family when they want this information kept private.


Some examples of physical abuse are listed here - this is not an exhaustive list and there are many more forms of this type of abuse:
  • Punching
  • Kicking
  • Slapping
  • Pushing 
  • Strangling or smothering you 
  • Threatening to hurt you or someone you care about 
  • Not allowing you to take medication or giving you too much 
  • Using weapons against you

Financial and Economic

Some abusers insist on controlling all the money in the relationship, even the victim’s own wages or benefits – this is economic abuse.  Economic abuse also includes making you give up your job or stopping you from getting a job.  Sometimes the abuser will provide an ‘allowance’ to purchase food or items for children but this is deliberately not enough and they might then punish the victim for not being able to keep within the budget.

This is sometimes done whilst spending money on themselves. Some abusers will pressure someone to take out a loan but the money must be handed to the abuser.  They might also take out credit cards in the victim’s name without their knowledge.

Damaging your property

This includes when the abuser breaks your items such as your phone, household items or your car. Not only can this be part of coercive control, but it is also a crime of criminal damage.


Sexual abuse is when someone makes you do or watch anything of a sexual nature that you don't want to. It can include:
  • Rape 
  • Making you watch pornography if you don't want to 
  • Making sexual comments to you that make you feel uncomfortable 
  • Sexual assault
  • Sharing or threatening to share explicit images

    New laws surrounding ‘revenge porn’ make it against the law for someone to share intimate photographs of you with anyone, whether that is on or offline. It is also awful to threaten to share images. If this is happening to you please report it to the Police.

Extremely jealous behaviour, stalking and harassment

If your partner is being ‘extremely’ jealous including possessiveness this is now illegal, under legislation introduced in 2018 and is called coercive and controlling behaviour.  It could include your partner/ex-partner constantly wanting to know where you are and who you are with.  It could involve them asking people to spy on you and report back to them.  It could include stalking.  If this is happening to you please report it to the Police and get support from the Doncaster Domestic Abuse Hub.  Click here for more information about stalking and harassment.

Some of these types of abusive behaviour are often mixed in with periods of love and affection, making you remember the good times or think that the person/the relationship isn't that bad after all.  This is just another form of coercive control.

If you recognise any of these signs in your relationship or with a family member please call the Doncaster Domestic Abuse Hub on 01302 737080.  Email:

You can also report abuse to South Yorkshire Police on 101.

In an emergency dial 999.

Check the signs:

  1. Do you feel nervous around your boyfriend, girlfriend, partner or family member?
  2. Do you have to be careful to control your behaviour to avoid their anger?
  3. Do you feel pressured by them to have sex or take part in sexual acts that you don’t want to?
  4. Are you scared of disagreeing with them?
  5. Do they criticise or humiliate you in front of other people?
  6. Are they always checking up on you or questioning you about what you do without them?
  7. Do they repeatedly and wrongly accuse you of seeing or flirting with other people?
  8. Do they tell you that if you changed they wouldn't abuse you?
  9. Does their jealousy stop you from seeing family or friends?
  10. Do they make you feel like you are wrong, stupid or inadequate?
  11. Have they ever scared you with violence or threatening behaviour?
  12. Do you often do things to please them, rather than to please yourself?
  13. Do they prevent you from going out or doing things you want to do?
  14. Do you feel that, with them, nothing you do is ever good enough?
  15. Do they say that they will kill or hurt themselves if you break up with them?
  16. Do they make excuses for their behaviour by saying it’s because of alcohol or drugs?
  17. Is it always your fault if they lose their temper?
  18. Do they deny the abuse happened or say that they were ‘just joking’?

You might have answered ‘yes’ to some of these questions, but still think ‘it’s not that bad’. But feeling scared, humiliated, pressured or controlled is not the way you should feel in a relationship. You should feel loved, respected, and free to be yourself. Your feelings and your safety are important.

It’s not your fault if you are being abused. You deserve to be treated with respect. If you answered yes to any of the questions, why not give us a call on 01302 737080 and talk to one of our trained members of staff. 

Young People Coersive Control Poster Pack

Young People Coersive Control Poster Pack

Young People Coersive Control Poster Pack
Download (5524KB - PDF)

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Need to talk?

For confidential advice, information and support, call the Doncaster Domestic Abuse Hub on 01302 737080.

You can also call the National 24 hour domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247 or contact them online 

Respect Men's Advice Line 0808 8010327 

Remember, always call 999 in an emergency.

  Words assocaited with abuse on a board - Trauma, Fear, Anger, Pain


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Last updated: 28 November 2023 12:55:12

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